defying conventions? not really. [1]

Hello, peeps!

“We have been cut off, the past has been ended and the family has broken up and the present is adrift in its wheelchair. ... That is no gap between the generations, that is a gulf. The elements have changed, there are whole new orders of magnitude and kind.

-Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose

This is a quote that struck a chord, or should I say #relatable? well I think it's time to talk about another topic that hits really close to home: generation gap.


I have been thinking long and hard for what to write for this week's entry since I want to keep this blog as active as possible, but I feel like I have been couch potato-ing too much to write about something actually thought-provoking. So I just decided to talk about the observations many may relate to, especially if your parents are conservative I guess.

So here it goes.

I watched WongFu Production's "In Between" and it somehow struck a chord, although my circumstances are definitely different from the one Mike Bow was in. Mine was simpler, but it still got me thinking pretty hard. I grow up listening to American music and binge-watching Disney channel shows like the suite life of Zack and Cody (btw I just realized how Cole Sprouse was one of the twins after watching a whole season of Riverdale, duh) more than any local media, I am more comfortable/better at speaking English than Bahasa/Hokkien/Chinese(basically those languages my parents are most comfortable in), yet there are certain subtleties of my whole personality that delve strongly into the more conservative Chinese/Indonesian/Asian beliefs which I am well aware and am proud of. It never bothered me for I was thinking that it is completely normal to feel like you just are different from some of your friends/relatives, but coming home and this time, after deep talking (ish) to my mom, I always come back asking myself if this big difference in principles and personality is detrimental to my relationship with people.

To mom, I am a "rebel", always talking back and never really "understanding" where she comes from, her reasonings, and always "defying conventions" of how a filial daughter should be with my retaliation and somehow conflicting reasonings. I mean, I need to admit that I am learning every day, for sometimes my actions are peppered with the naivety of an angsty teenager in addition to the idealistic icing of hope and aspirations that I never fail to mention at the end of every argument, but after all these small disconnects I feel oddly out of place. That safe haven of pouring your thoughts and emotions to your mother has never been a reality for me, and it all rooted down to our different principles in life, and how we are influenced by the friends we have, media content, or the environment we are brought up in aka the humongous generational gap (Mom was a teenager in the 70's and I in 2010's). But the real question is, is it natural to drift apart from what your closest people's teachings are as you grow older and thus more able to think rationally and decide for yourself what is morally right or wrong? I guess the answer can never be as easy as choosing black or white. An intersection of the two Venn diagrams is always the answer, but to what extent? and to which way are you leaning towards?

It sucks to feel like you are not understood and never will be understood by people you are closest to due to the stubborn nature humans are 'gifted' with, but the same ordeal actually happens to the other party too. It took me some time to finally say to myself with conviction that, "it is okay if you are not on the same page as the other", for the heart's longing of being fully understood and accepted by people you care about most is natural and strong, but there really is no point in clinging on to this pipe dream. Yes, there are instances where family members are brought up in different ways yet they can still connect on so many levels, but that is probably not my case. or probably it is, when I am older, when I could finally realize that "Mama knows best, you see!", just like what Mom has always gushed about. But for now, I am still that daughter who will in her (others' who share different principles and beliefs) eyes defy conventions of being a filial daughter. I guess generational gap really does take a toll on people's perceptions, but not to the extreme point where it transcended motherly love. (at least for me, fortunately :))

Okay, this whole post may seem like a rant from a misunderstood, frustrated youth, but this disconnect is sometimes bigger than issues with family members. And I am curious if my friends actually feel the same way, so I will probably do interviews with friends and ask them questions too about this. I hope I can really make this a small-scale project that will help some to reconnect and come to terms with differences they have, and probably compromise on things previously uncompromisable. The extent of differences and the whole personality-building journey and factors affecting it may be too complex a subject with my limited knowledge, but I am curious bout this, so I hope I can get better enlightenment on this, and share it with you peeps!

If you wish to help me with this, please hmu through anything!
I'd be glaaaaad to listen to your stories :)

To a coming up part 2 of this discussion, friends!

hugs and kisses,
Maretta Simon <3

10 reasons why you should visit Nepal

A country full of stark juxtapositions... embodied by both the people and the silent survivors of the deadly 2015 earthquake. That is probably the best way to describe how Nepal is as a country as of now, as seen through my lens in my one-week-trip to Nepal.

 a random villager's house at Pokhara

sunrise slowly creeping out from a seemingly nearby mountain from the Australian Base Camp

another beautiful moment before the sun rises!

As many of you know, it is a country still rebuilding and recovering from the disastrous earthquake in 2015, yet there are so much more than mere shambles and messy infrastructure of Kathmandu that I saw and lived. I was initially shook by the state of disorderliness Kathmandu was in when I first step foot on the crowded pavements and unregulated traffic on the streets, but as I leave Nepal, I could not cease to smile at the beautiful bright skies, the warmth of the locals and the hopeful eyes of the little children I talked to during the school visits. To give you a context of what I did*, my schoolmates and I basically helped build a wall for a local government school pretty high up in the mountains, discuss current issues and talk about comparisons of culture mainly between Singapore and Nepal to students younger than or of the same age as us, as well as trek one of the mountains to the Australian Base Camp (I guess it was called the Annapurna mountain range?). 

It was a fulfilling trip as never have I ever see myself to be so deeply impacted by the small things a short trip can give me, given my skeptical nature on short-lived projects where my commitment is not a priority. This trip has allowed me to truly see the qualities of oneself from within, as there was imminent language barrier with some of the students, yet their sincerity and eagerness to learn about my culture and promote their beloved Nepali culture was invigorating, to say the very least. Yes, I only spent a day with the students, but that experience left so many unanswered questions in my head: when was the last time I actually feel that eager to learn about something I can search on the internet? Have I forgotten the joy of truly disconnecting from distractions and just focus on building relationships with new people? Have I lost touch of the extent subtleties of unexpected poignant moments can impact my perspective because I have been too comfortable in what I have been doing this whole year?

It was a mass of contradictions--my mind was puzzled after the overwhelmingly positive outcome of that short visit. I felt so liberated just talking to new people there. It was a humbling experience to realise how little I know of this world and how small my empirical reality of my own bubble actually is. Thus, I learned to learn, all over again. I came with the mindset of sharing experiences and exposing the Nepali students to international cultures by befriending them as they may not have appropriate platforms where they can have international friends, but in the end I felt that it was more educational for me instead of for them. If I have to choose one word to describe the whole experience, it has to be Introspection.

Introspection is something I lack doing, as the surprising experiences should not strike me as hard, especially since I used to live in a developing country with similar circumstances and beautiful sceneries. Therefore, I am thankful to have the chance to visit Nepal, where I can relive those memories of childhood and reconnect with long-lost friends I never get to befriend across the globe away as our differences in backgrounds really did not matter. I was quick to complain about things I have, quick to judge my own abilities, and even quick to analyse social situations, yet I 'forgot' that I am fundamentally flawed in connecting with my own self for the very assumptions that I have grown and moved forward from my past self. I guess that is because I focus too much on self-improvement that I do not see the bigger, more important picture of coming to terms with my past and piecing the mosaics of my past experiences first in order to build an improved front. Hence, by introspecting on my recent visit, it helped me sieve through the social problems underlying the society back at home, retrieving those desires to do something bigger in order to also impact others just like how the Nepali students impacted me. Thus after reflecting on this wonderful journey, the real question: what can you do to alleviate their slow growth and or impact their lives as much as they have impacted mine still remain. But this trip has certainly reconnected me to my “supposedly” humbler side who still look at the world as how it really is, instead of through a rose-tinted screen where i take things at face value while making excuses such as “yeah ill think of what happened today when i am less busy”.

As you can tell, i have drifted quite a lot from my intended title, but Nepal truly is a country you guys should include to your bucket list simply for the indescribable experience you will get, especially if you are not used to the landscape of a developing nation. It should not be “10 reasons why you should visit Nepal”, but “the reason why you should visit Nepal: people, scenic landscapes, ah just because Nepal.”

*I also did other stuff but probs I'll share with you some other time in a different post or... I may just keep it to myself

ps there are more pics of my friends and I on my Instagram if you want to check them out! Also I do not have any pictures with the children because their child protection policies are pretty strict in Nepal for fears of human trafficking.  :)

basics

hello peeps!

I am back after my mad last week of sch and an 8-day trip to Nepal!! yes Nepal was so bomb!! It was a school trip which certainly was one of the highlights of my entire school year. As a have heaps to talk about and reflect on my recent trip, I would like to post a long overdue outfit post before I go on and share my 10 reasons why you should visit Nepal when you have the chance to. :)

I took the shots in March this year using only iphone's cam so excuse the grainy x not-too-hd pictures kay! Anyways it was just a small cute "photoshoot" i did with my friends for fun after cafe hopping, so i guess this may help anyone out there who is not confident with wearing culottes for the very reason of looking old in em, cause that was probably meeeee lol. but hey, culottes are very comfortable to wear so don't be afraid to try new things and have different looks all the times!

Here are the pics:

top: supre, culottes: zara, watch: titus, adidas tubular in camo

p.s happy birthday the bae erikao love u lots for being there whenever I feel like being a public nuisance, you are a precious one <3

Yeaps as you can see a basic lace shirt is a good investment cause it brings out the youth in you i guess! they say don't add pattern on pattern but lace and stripes work just right since the top is an off-colour grey. I love the minimalistic basic look it gives so I thought it will be great to share teehee. tell me what you think about it peeps ;;)

p.p.s credits to the amazeballs wells for making us look good u are the best ilysm

hugs and kisses,

xx

maretta simon

should I or should I not?

Hello peeps!!

It actually felt like it has been ages since I last talked to myself  here, and tbh i did miss it, although this tingling feeling of wanting to pour out either my not-so-sophisticated playlist of the week or school updates has been haunting me, it has long been swallowed by the anxiety of "will i get enough sleep if I finish this assignment?". yeah so i ended up sleeping with my laptop next to me when I was halfway through writing one of my essays aka i did not even try to blog. oh well it is a tad bit sad if you look at this unfair judgement of the seemingly endless torture from the education system as the sole reason which stops me from doing what i love, but actually school is tiring and enriching at the same time. Anyways, today I was not planning on ranting about anything in particular, but instead I wanted to propose a fruit for thought for many of us teenagers here, who I am sure can relate to my sharing. It may be a little bit uncomfortable to some of you due to the unspoken nature of this event, but I personally believe in being vocal for what you believe in, and stand by it as much as you can. so here it goes:)

It was a mid-morning during this year's June holidays, where the Sun was overhead, shining to its brightest, coupled with the sweltering heat that activated my sweat glands, a little bit too excessively. It was a Monday, I remembered, a seemingly mundane Monday where I would laze around for a bit, reading some philosophical book in my attempt to 'enrich' my holiday experience, which was... back at my hometown lazing around. As I realised my growing laziness should be put to a stop, I actually requested to have a short-term tutoring on maths in order to catch up on those loopholes in newly-taught concepts from earlier in the year. Thus on this extremely hot day I chose to ride my geared bike to a nearby tuition centre, all dressed in sweat-absorbing clothing for extra protection from the reeking body odour I expected myself to be wrapped in. Everything seemed fine, just a bit of flattened hair due to my sweat and some sweat patches on my clothing. Mind you, I was already in my shorts and T-shirt, the bare minimum in order for me to look *cough* decent *cough* enough for biking to the tuition centre.

To my surprise, or more of like my "forgotten bad memories" from my earlier years as a teenager riding a bike on the streets of Medan, I got catcalled. Not once, but twice. The journey to my tuition centre was really short, it was at most a 7-minute bike ride, and yet those passerbys just cant control their whatever-you-name-it-libido-crap and have to make me who wears shorts, normal running shorts people, feel guilty for my wardrobe choice. This incident actually did not only happen once, but multiple times, even during my pre-puberty years, especially so because I am physically taller and therefore often perceived as older than my true age. It bothered me at first, as I was not sure as to why this could happen, even when I dress "appropriately" with jeans and a t-shirt, but I kept quiet.

I never really talked about it with my friends, my families, my teachers. no one. simply because when it first happened I was with my personal nanny, and what she said was not a single word of comfort or sympathy, but instead a near shouting, " Mei! (short for meimei, the chinese word used to call younger daughters) kan udah kakak kasih tau berkali-kali pakai baju yang panjang!" or in English, "Mei, how many times have I told you to wear longer clothes that are more appropriate!" I was shook, but I agreed to her scoldings and felt guilty myself, because that was what was taught to me, so I assumed that it was the right thing to do. This same mentality has stuck by me for the longest time because that was what the people around me live by, what the societal norms were, that was the accepted and agreed upon justification to the issue of disrespectful actions of catcalling. Now that I am older and more aware of the stigma of being the victims of catcalling, i often ask myself, is this really my fault? for wearing whatever suits the weather and more importantly for wearing what I was comfortable in? Isn't this my body and my choice in the end of the day?

It was like a breakthrough--a realisation that came too late, but at least I see the light now. It was another drowsy bus ride after my Sunday ballet class when I was mindlessly swiping articles from bbc news on my iPhone and I stumbled upon this one article where a female journalist was recalling on her journey growing up in the Middle East being casually molested by many people, and this article hits a personal spot in my heart. The anger and frustrations from my short one month June holidays filled with daily catcalling fuelled up my hungry heart, the hunger quite unexplainable but i feel like it is the hunger for justice and the hunger for a voice which can represent the same injustice felt by many young women out there who experienced the same thing yet they are called to dismiss it because it was "their fault". It was also emphasized that women should "act as if nothing happened" and remember, most importantly, "do not make a scene and quietly dodge the person who molested you". It seemed right at that moment to not provoke further disrespectful actions, but seriously though, should I really not say anything? should I just surrender to the societal norm of keeping quiet? and thus just let injustice and the voicelessness of female youths prevail in this generation filled with what they called "brilliant millennials"? 

I highly doubt so. I am sure that many who comes from the same background as me can emphatize with me on this issue, and they want their stories to be heard. I am sure many ask the same question of "should I or should I not talk to my families, friends or teachers about it?" It is a glaring fact that having lived in a developed country now I can look back and stand on a firmer ground on my beliefs of the importance of speaking about what your moral values are and telling people my stories which may be beneficial to others, but it is not the case in other less developed (both socially and culturally) places. It may be hard to talk about it due to the social stigma that surrounds it, but I would just like to say how important it is to really know your worth and know what is worth fighting for. In this case, it is your core human dignity and what you want others to see you as, which is clearly not just a physical body, but a human being who should have been respected and treated as one. So, having said that, I would encourage all those who feel that they have a story to tell to just do it, tell your family, tell your friends, or even publish it online like this post. It may give you the liberty you have never experienced before, and I am sure it is a great catharsis to all your spite and bitterness of bottling it up simply because it was perceived as the "correct thing to do". It is not, and you know it is not. So wait no more and untie that knot! tell your stories, as if it does not make anyone else's day better, it certainly did to you! :)

Ps don't take this as a bash post on the seemingly degrading culture of Indonesian adults, because there are so many other spectrums of its culture that I can never stop adoring. but there really is a stark difference between those who understood basic respect to others and those who ignore the importance of mutual respect and stay as people of no understanding of others , and it should also be known to people as I am sure this disparity not only happen in my hometown, but it could be dimilar anywhere else in the world.

love love and always love,

Maretta Simon, xx.

A lesson learnt

Hello peeps!

I am back with monthly updates teeheeee :))

To be honest, I was not intending to write anything today, I was simply so done with my laptop because I have spent my entire morning and afternoon browsing the net for enlightenment for my EE yet I did not seem to get anything in return (sad, I know) but yeah I guess it's all fine now because something occurred and I believe that this message needs to be shared eheheh.

After my bloody war with EE, I actually went downtown to refresh my dead brain cells and I decided to do some window shopping then. It was a unexpectedly reflective experience; I normally window-shop for its therapeutic benefits, but this time, I felt way worse instead. it might actually be affected by my exhaustion, but after thinking about it for a while, I guess it brought me to a bigger realisation which hurts to think about. i realized that my unhappiness was actually because of my own body image that I was unsatisfied with, and this may come out as annoying to some of my friends irl because probably for them my body is "skinny" or "fit" or "is very proportional to my height", but I did not think so. at least at that point of time. upon looking at the huge mirror in the fitting room, my heart felt troubled, troubled by the look of my arms, the size of my thighs, my not-100%-flat-torso, almost everything probably.

I did not break down--I realized seconds after that I should have been at peace instead of feeling ashamed by how I look like because I actually looked like a normal teenager, with perfectly functional body parts, but it posed a bigger question in my head: does every girl out there feel so too?

And I guess the answer is that most girls do, especially the teenagers of my age. I agree that coming to terms with yourself is a step by step process, it does not click instantly for most people, but I guess some take a way longer time to do this because they do not see the importance of self-acceptance. and that is destructive to the soul. lethal even. Continuing on, I went back home and the fact that I needed some time to console myself in order to accept my won body haunted me; it plagued me in a way I have never experienced before, probably it's because I was never really bothered by it. this is especially true because I was in a girls' school back then and I felt comfortable with my peers, but now it's different. the environment and the roller coaster rides of hormones in my body have forced me to look at different body images more consciously, and more meticulously. It was as if my subconscious is consumed by this monster that flashes the "ideal" body image of girls and women on magazine covers as well as those girls who are deemed to be the one with "the perfect body" in my social circle repeatedly. this time, the monster hits hard and it jabs at my heartstrings because I literally felt sad upon looking at myself in the mirror. i was not cherishing my good health, i looked at all my flaws instead of what I should be thankful for.

I thought long and hard about this, and thankfully I have come into the conclusion that environment, which in my case is a new school and home environent that are so different from my previous ones, really have taken its toll on my wisdom of how I should appreciate my body. the body is the temple of the mind, and there stays the soul too. My understanding of this was blurred by that fleeting moments of body-shaming because it caught me unprepared, for I have never spared a thought about this due to my ever-comfortable environment back then. Therefore I feel that it is of paramount importance to keep on reminding yourself that you have to always accept youself, be it your physical or emotional self because the moment you take them for granted, it may be snatched away from you before you realize it. however, remember, it is enough for you to accept yourself and not to love yourself, because as long as we are living in this world, there are too many things to improve on, so loving yourself should only be done periodically, but not on a daily basis for finding areas for improvement and growth in your appreciation of yourself is as important as coming to terms with yourself.





I don't want to sound ever-wise and knowing, but this is an important lesson I learnt today, so i hope that to many of those around who are struggling to find your place in society due to the immense pressure of having to conform to certain body images labelled "the ideals", take a step back to appreicate what you have and work slowly towards self-acceptance for no one can see the shine and beauty ingrained in you if you do not dig it up and open it for everyone else to admire. Remember, people will like you for your personality, your kindness, your real self, for everything that is loved superficially is that of physical form. and we know full well that physical things rot over time, but inner beauty never cease to mesmerize;). I personally believe that confidence and a broad, genuine smile are the keys to look beautiful everyday, no matter where you go in the world. so look up, and start accepting yourself! :)

p.s i really like that quote plus its emma stone so yeah eheh

I hope this is useful for you, peeps! <3 div="">

Dream comes true

This post is going to be long and sentimental peeps

But i finally have loads of pictures to post despite them not being of the best qualities because its annoyingly hard to get good picture at concerts, excuse excuse

HELLO FRIENDS!!!!

First of all i am sorry that i havent updated for the longest time ever, like ever. But yes this is one of the turning points in my life SO hear me out friends.

I WENT FOR A COLDPLAY CONCERT.

AAAAAAHHHHHH

LIKE

AAAAAAHHH

I AM MOT KIDDING

AAAAAAAAAAAH.

it really was a dream came true; the pyrotechnics were amazeballs, the atmosphere especially. I was never so happy in my life before(ok probably excluding that one liberating moment after my last mcq paper for o levels) simply because I did mot expect them to come touring all the way to Singapore from London. It was more than a night to remember--it was surreal. This is another different level of concert magic as the atmosphere was unusually warm and heartening. At first I felt that the sad part was in my failure in getting a standing ticket, but in the end i still enjoyed myself to the very last.
From an objective point of view, chris martin is absolutely gorgeous and he is my real-life prince charming, peeps. Not only was his voice resonating so melodiously throughout the humongous stadium, but his heartfelt messages to everyone as citizens of the world were just so encouraging. I remembered how clearly he told the audience to "never give up" despite of all bad things that have been happening lately in the world after Up&Up and I was completely sobbing by then HAHAHAHA. But really though, love was tangible at that night. It was within my reach.

Besides my concert experience, my family actually came to Singapore this past weeeek wheeeee. Shoutout to my sis julia who took the initiative to contact people to get us our coldplay tix hehe!! And also for the "martin" shirt she somehow managed to get for the concert. I guess this means that i need to go for more concerts in order to gather the family together more often, huh? *winks at mom EHEHEHEHHE we took a few nice pictures at botanics before the concert so here ya go peeps


Remember to stay positive and spread love because I realized how important those qualities are in my life recently, so cheer up peeps!! Remember always that it may be a bad day for you, but i am sure the people around you got your back. After all, it's never a bad life, for you need those bad times in order to be able to enjoy the good times to come :) cheers to the weekend, peeps<3

i am alive

HELLO FRIENDSSSSSSSS

Happy belated new years :)

Tbh i have been procrastinating throughout my entire holidays therefore I did not even post anything on this blog HAHAHAHA (ok then again who cares so yeah wtv man)

Anyways, I have been very blessed to graduate from sc on a high note, and I am now continuing my academic endeavours in a tremendously supportive, warm and family-oriented sji. I have never looked at myself wearing that green-and-white uniform but hey, I cannot be anymore grateful than that, honestly.

As much as nervousness hits me almost every single time when I reach school, I truly am excited for the start of my academic year this coming monday. It will be filled with new faces, yet i have faith that it will be a fruitful experience. tbh i sound like i am promoting sji but truthfully sji has left such a good impression on me that i totally do not mind sounding like an ambassador of the school HAHAHA

Oh and here is a tutor group photo because Prometheus is just the best best best i love yalll you guys made me look forward to coming for orientation camp everyday even when I was aching all over. shoutout to TG106 <3

(the quality is crappy but the people are definitely not ehehehe

Moreover, in case you guys are curious about genee 2k16, the only word I that is up to par to the experience is: mindblowing. If only I were younger, I would have migrated to sydney to pursue dance at a profession. but still, the experience was worth it. instead of making me feel small and discouraged about my own ability in dance, i looked on the bright side to realize how blessed I was to be able to be in singapore getting holistic education yet still able to dance my heart out. genee was beyond amazing, it gives me aspirations to work harder on *cough* pirouettes and other ballet techniques because even the small kids were very strong on their technical aspect.

i could not post any dance videos due to copyright issues but here are some decent pictures from the trip! (and yes my hair was strawberry-coloured)

sydney opera house was super windy i love the weather there BRING ME BACK

Playlist of the week

Hey guys!

In case you are wondering(i bet not but imma do it anyways) i am still head over heels for lady gaga. Especially after her carpool karaoke with James Corden. Boy i love the show!
Oh and here is my updated playlist for this week!

1. Don't Wanna Know - Maroon 5 feat. Kendrick Lamar
2. Formation - Beyonce
3. Million Reasons - Lady Gaga
4. Perfect Illusion- Lady Gaga
5. When We Were Young - Adele
6. Hallelujah - Pentatonix
7. Stay - Blackpink

Have I told you how amazed I was by Avi's bass lines in like all of ptx's song?? Oh my and this hallelujah by them in their newest christmas album is BOMB. Not even kidding. Is there anyone else who feels super talentless upon watching them singing as if it was so easy? Man i have been a potato since 00 who basically only knows how to go to school and watch youtube all day. Idk they intimidate me but still im a faaaaaan hahahaha.

Oh and blackpink is rising that's for sure!! I think yall should go chem em out cause they are pretty promising i can tell. I have never been super into kpop but since bigbang changed my whole perspective of kpop last year, i am able to appreciate more kpop now. And yeah, overall, im impressed by blackpink's new feel good song--stay. It's lighthearted and cheeky, so give it a try!

Im still not over with my O levels but i think i am halfway there and i am so pumpeddddd too end this asap. Wish me luck and good luck to everyone out there, peeps!<3