defying conventions? not really. [1]

Hello, peeps!

“We have been cut off, the past has been ended and the family has broken up and the present is adrift in its wheelchair. ... That is no gap between the generations, that is a gulf. The elements have changed, there are whole new orders of magnitude and kind.

-Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose

This is a quote that struck a chord, or should I say #relatable? well I think it's time to talk about another topic that hits really close to home: generation gap.


I have been thinking long and hard for what to write for this week's entry since I want to keep this blog as active as possible, but I feel like I have been couch potato-ing too much to write about something actually thought-provoking. So I just decided to talk about the observations many may relate to, especially if your parents are conservative I guess.

So here it goes.

I watched WongFu Production's "In Between" and it somehow struck a chord, although my circumstances are definitely different from the one Mike Bow was in. Mine was simpler, but it still got me thinking pretty hard. I grow up listening to American music and binge-watching Disney channel shows like the suite life of Zack and Cody (btw I just realized how Cole Sprouse was one of the twins after watching a whole season of Riverdale, duh) more than any local media, I am more comfortable/better at speaking English than Bahasa/Hokkien/Chinese(basically those languages my parents are most comfortable in), yet there are certain subtleties of my whole personality that delve strongly into the more conservative Chinese/Indonesian/Asian beliefs which I am well aware and am proud of. It never bothered me for I was thinking that it is completely normal to feel like you just are different from some of your friends/relatives, but coming home and this time, after deep talking (ish) to my mom, I always come back asking myself if this big difference in principles and personality is detrimental to my relationship with people.

To mom, I am a "rebel", always talking back and never really "understanding" where she comes from, her reasonings, and always "defying conventions" of how a filial daughter should be with my retaliation and somehow conflicting reasonings. I mean, I need to admit that I am learning every day, for sometimes my actions are peppered with the naivety of an angsty teenager in addition to the idealistic icing of hope and aspirations that I never fail to mention at the end of every argument, but after all these small disconnects I feel oddly out of place. That safe haven of pouring your thoughts and emotions to your mother has never been a reality for me, and it all rooted down to our different principles in life, and how we are influenced by the friends we have, media content, or the environment we are brought up in aka the humongous generational gap (Mom was a teenager in the 70's and I in 2010's). But the real question is, is it natural to drift apart from what your closest people's teachings are as you grow older and thus more able to think rationally and decide for yourself what is morally right or wrong? I guess the answer can never be as easy as choosing black or white. An intersection of the two Venn diagrams is always the answer, but to what extent? and to which way are you leaning towards?

It sucks to feel like you are not understood and never will be understood by people you are closest to due to the stubborn nature humans are 'gifted' with, but the same ordeal actually happens to the other party too. It took me some time to finally say to myself with conviction that, "it is okay if you are not on the same page as the other", for the heart's longing of being fully understood and accepted by people you care about most is natural and strong, but there really is no point in clinging on to this pipe dream. Yes, there are instances where family members are brought up in different ways yet they can still connect on so many levels, but that is probably not my case. or probably it is, when I am older, when I could finally realize that "Mama knows best, you see!", just like what Mom has always gushed about. But for now, I am still that daughter who will in her (others' who share different principles and beliefs) eyes defy conventions of being a filial daughter. I guess generational gap really does take a toll on people's perceptions, but not to the extreme point where it transcended motherly love. (at least for me, fortunately :))

Okay, this whole post may seem like a rant from a misunderstood, frustrated youth, but this disconnect is sometimes bigger than issues with family members. And I am curious if my friends actually feel the same way, so I will probably do interviews with friends and ask them questions too about this. I hope I can really make this a small-scale project that will help some to reconnect and come to terms with differences they have, and probably compromise on things previously uncompromisable. The extent of differences and the whole personality-building journey and factors affecting it may be too complex a subject with my limited knowledge, but I am curious bout this, so I hope I can get better enlightenment on this, and share it with you peeps!

If you wish to help me with this, please hmu through anything!
I'd be glaaaaad to listen to your stories :)

To a coming up part 2 of this discussion, friends!

hugs and kisses,
Maretta Simon <3