defying conventions? not really. [1]

Hello, peeps!

“We have been cut off, the past has been ended and the family has broken up and the present is adrift in its wheelchair. ... That is no gap between the generations, that is a gulf. The elements have changed, there are whole new orders of magnitude and kind.

-Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose

This is a quote that struck a chord, or should I say #relatable? well I think it's time to talk about another topic that hits really close to home: generation gap.


I have been thinking long and hard for what to write for this week's entry since I want to keep this blog as active as possible, but I feel like I have been couch potato-ing too much to write about something actually thought-provoking. So I just decided to talk about the observations many may relate to, especially if your parents are conservative I guess.

So here it goes.

I watched WongFu Production's "In Between" and it somehow struck a chord, although my circumstances are definitely different from the one Mike Bow was in. Mine was simpler, but it still got me thinking pretty hard. I grow up listening to American music and binge-watching Disney channel shows like the suite life of Zack and Cody (btw I just realized how Cole Sprouse was one of the twins after watching a whole season of Riverdale, duh) more than any local media, I am more comfortable/better at speaking English than Bahasa/Hokkien/Chinese(basically those languages my parents are most comfortable in), yet there are certain subtleties of my whole personality that delve strongly into the more conservative Chinese/Indonesian/Asian beliefs which I am well aware and am proud of. It never bothered me for I was thinking that it is completely normal to feel like you just are different from some of your friends/relatives, but coming home and this time, after deep talking (ish) to my mom, I always come back asking myself if this big difference in principles and personality is detrimental to my relationship with people.

To mom, I am a "rebel", always talking back and never really "understanding" where she comes from, her reasonings, and always "defying conventions" of how a filial daughter should be with my retaliation and somehow conflicting reasonings. I mean, I need to admit that I am learning every day, for sometimes my actions are peppered with the naivety of an angsty teenager in addition to the idealistic icing of hope and aspirations that I never fail to mention at the end of every argument, but after all these small disconnects I feel oddly out of place. That safe haven of pouring your thoughts and emotions to your mother has never been a reality for me, and it all rooted down to our different principles in life, and how we are influenced by the friends we have, media content, or the environment we are brought up in aka the humongous generational gap (Mom was a teenager in the 70's and I in 2010's). But the real question is, is it natural to drift apart from what your closest people's teachings are as you grow older and thus more able to think rationally and decide for yourself what is morally right or wrong? I guess the answer can never be as easy as choosing black or white. An intersection of the two Venn diagrams is always the answer, but to what extent? and to which way are you leaning towards?

It sucks to feel like you are not understood and never will be understood by people you are closest to due to the stubborn nature humans are 'gifted' with, but the same ordeal actually happens to the other party too. It took me some time to finally say to myself with conviction that, "it is okay if you are not on the same page as the other", for the heart's longing of being fully understood and accepted by people you care about most is natural and strong, but there really is no point in clinging on to this pipe dream. Yes, there are instances where family members are brought up in different ways yet they can still connect on so many levels, but that is probably not my case. or probably it is, when I am older, when I could finally realize that "Mama knows best, you see!", just like what Mom has always gushed about. But for now, I am still that daughter who will in her (others' who share different principles and beliefs) eyes defy conventions of being a filial daughter. I guess generational gap really does take a toll on people's perceptions, but not to the extreme point where it transcended motherly love. (at least for me, fortunately :))

Okay, this whole post may seem like a rant from a misunderstood, frustrated youth, but this disconnect is sometimes bigger than issues with family members. And I am curious if my friends actually feel the same way, so I will probably do interviews with friends and ask them questions too about this. I hope I can really make this a small-scale project that will help some to reconnect and come to terms with differences they have, and probably compromise on things previously uncompromisable. The extent of differences and the whole personality-building journey and factors affecting it may be too complex a subject with my limited knowledge, but I am curious bout this, so I hope I can get better enlightenment on this, and share it with you peeps!

If you wish to help me with this, please hmu through anything!
I'd be glaaaaad to listen to your stories :)

To a coming up part 2 of this discussion, friends!

hugs and kisses,
Maretta Simon <3

10 reasons why you should visit Nepal

A country full of stark juxtapositions... embodied by both the people and the silent survivors of the deadly 2015 earthquake. That is probably the best way to describe how Nepal is as a country as of now, as seen through my lens in my one-week-trip to Nepal.

 a random villager's house at Pokhara

sunrise slowly creeping out from a seemingly nearby mountain from the Australian Base Camp

another beautiful moment before the sun rises!

As many of you know, it is a country still rebuilding and recovering from the disastrous earthquake in 2015, yet there are so much more than mere shambles and messy infrastructure of Kathmandu that I saw and lived. I was initially shook by the state of disorderliness Kathmandu was in when I first step foot on the crowded pavements and unregulated traffic on the streets, but as I leave Nepal, I could not cease to smile at the beautiful bright skies, the warmth of the locals and the hopeful eyes of the little children I talked to during the school visits. To give you a context of what I did*, my schoolmates and I basically helped build a wall for a local government school pretty high up in the mountains, discuss current issues and talk about comparisons of culture mainly between Singapore and Nepal to students younger than or of the same age as us, as well as trek one of the mountains to the Australian Base Camp (I guess it was called the Annapurna mountain range?). 

It was a fulfilling trip as never have I ever see myself to be so deeply impacted by the small things a short trip can give me, given my skeptical nature on short-lived projects where my commitment is not a priority. This trip has allowed me to truly see the qualities of oneself from within, as there was imminent language barrier with some of the students, yet their sincerity and eagerness to learn about my culture and promote their beloved Nepali culture was invigorating, to say the very least. Yes, I only spent a day with the students, but that experience left so many unanswered questions in my head: when was the last time I actually feel that eager to learn about something I can search on the internet? Have I forgotten the joy of truly disconnecting from distractions and just focus on building relationships with new people? Have I lost touch of the extent subtleties of unexpected poignant moments can impact my perspective because I have been too comfortable in what I have been doing this whole year?

It was a mass of contradictions--my mind was puzzled after the overwhelmingly positive outcome of that short visit. I felt so liberated just talking to new people there. It was a humbling experience to realise how little I know of this world and how small my empirical reality of my own bubble actually is. Thus, I learned to learn, all over again. I came with the mindset of sharing experiences and exposing the Nepali students to international cultures by befriending them as they may not have appropriate platforms where they can have international friends, but in the end I felt that it was more educational for me instead of for them. If I have to choose one word to describe the whole experience, it has to be Introspection.

Introspection is something I lack doing, as the surprising experiences should not strike me as hard, especially since I used to live in a developing country with similar circumstances and beautiful sceneries. Therefore, I am thankful to have the chance to visit Nepal, where I can relive those memories of childhood and reconnect with long-lost friends I never get to befriend across the globe away as our differences in backgrounds really did not matter. I was quick to complain about things I have, quick to judge my own abilities, and even quick to analyse social situations, yet I 'forgot' that I am fundamentally flawed in connecting with my own self for the very assumptions that I have grown and moved forward from my past self. I guess that is because I focus too much on self-improvement that I do not see the bigger, more important picture of coming to terms with my past and piecing the mosaics of my past experiences first in order to build an improved front. Hence, by introspecting on my recent visit, it helped me sieve through the social problems underlying the society back at home, retrieving those desires to do something bigger in order to also impact others just like how the Nepali students impacted me. Thus after reflecting on this wonderful journey, the real question: what can you do to alleviate their slow growth and or impact their lives as much as they have impacted mine still remain. But this trip has certainly reconnected me to my “supposedly” humbler side who still look at the world as how it really is, instead of through a rose-tinted screen where i take things at face value while making excuses such as “yeah ill think of what happened today when i am less busy”.

As you can tell, i have drifted quite a lot from my intended title, but Nepal truly is a country you guys should include to your bucket list simply for the indescribable experience you will get, especially if you are not used to the landscape of a developing nation. It should not be “10 reasons why you should visit Nepal”, but “the reason why you should visit Nepal: people, scenic landscapes, ah just because Nepal.”

*I also did other stuff but probs I'll share with you some other time in a different post or... I may just keep it to myself

ps there are more pics of my friends and I on my Instagram if you want to check them out! Also I do not have any pictures with the children because their child protection policies are pretty strict in Nepal for fears of human trafficking.  :)