2019: a sombre yet hopeful recap :]

Hey peeps,

I did not actually die in college HAH. I am starting to feel like every other blog post will start from the same “9I didn’t realize how long ago was my last post” but I still am going to say it anyway. (I think it is the Indonesian polite genes that urge me to lol) but yes, it is nearing the end of the year and that means…. I am well over my first semester of college. Like w h a t? same fam. I too am confuzzled by the way time passes, all the damn time. Besides that, this is also my last year being a non-adult (by my own standards, of course). Holy hell I am honestly rushing to make all the dumbest mistakes (ever) before I will get double the personal punishment/disappointment from my 20-year-old self LOL. Well to begin, I got semi-scammed by the hairdresser who dyed my hair in the most un-blonde color of the century when I showed him the blondest of the blondes you can ever think an Asian person can go for, and yada yada yada the list goes on…..

But that is clearly not why I want to write another entry now. I just feel like I have been drafting this blog post over and over and over again in my head, but somehow I don’t have the courage to type it down on the computer. I could not get that peace of mind to sit down and be real to type an honest entry. Well, I made it this far, and I think I am ready to reflect more deeply at the end of the year, at the end of the semester, and at the end of the decade too. I think it is great to have new year resolutions now that we are expectant of better times in the future, but one thing I have learned over the years is that if we don’t tie up the loose ends of the previous year, no new year resolutions are going to make any memorable impact (not that they will last anyways LOL). So here goes nothing :>

As December approaches and the season got a little more festive, I thought I was all contented now that I can stop thinking about my philosophy essay (don’t get me wrong its my fav class <3) and the readings that piled, or the many club things I somehow squeezed time for throughout the semester. But that was not the case. Worse still, I think it was the first time I felt such emptiness in me. Like a donut, really. All nicely glazed on the outside, dripping with that fragrant cinnamon-y scent most people enjoy, yet hollow, completely poke-able from the outside. And I guess unforeseen circumstances poked that one donut hole in me. And it was a big poke. A poke that kind of tore the outer fried dough of the donut. And it was not an immediate poke, but rather the kind of poking that slowly gnawed into the innermost part of the dough until you can only feel the donut slowly breaking apart. It began with one poke and it spread through the entire glaze and its doughy substance.

And that was when I realized that I was not letting myself feel the sadness I needed to feel. As I slowly understood that it was a downtime for my emotional and spiritual state, I took time to acknowledge that this feeling of emptiness has been piling up little by little, but I was just too selfish to admit it initially. It is kind of funny honestly, to be able to say so easily that emotions are tender, and that people can feel sad sometimes, yet it is actually hard to believe it when it happens to yourself. People are such hypocrites sometimes, I included. But that is okay, I guess. I slowly embraced my slump, willingly or unwillingly.

So I took some time, and I thought about how I felt. And I am so lucky to have fond memories to fall back to, a God so great I was able to reach out to through prayers, and friends so dear to my heart who supported my backstep and my fall. Oh and my journal too. :] these things cushioned the fall. Still, it seemed a little odd to me that I am not the pillar of support who listened to others’ lamentations, but I guess I can tick the box of being sadness and emo 101 in my bucket list of experiences hah. Kidding this is obviously not the first time I felt sad come on I am not Barbie or some shit.

But what is different this time though, was the fact that I felt detached from myself as I saw myself fall. It is a weird phenomenon, but I also felt like it was right to do it that way. You know that gut feeling that you just know you have to trust. And I did. And the cold wind did blow hard through that donut hole. But that cold wind was a necessary one. It was pretty humbling, and it taught me so many things.

As I unraveled this emptiness, I tried to systematically approach this natural cycle of emotions, but I failed and that failure encouraged me to fuck it and go deeper. And I did. And I think I knew why I was feeling so. And that possible discovery was liberating at the very least; the possibility of decoding ‘myself’ led me to see myself honestly and sincerely, stripping down all the drizzles and going straight to the very essence. And the process of recovery began then.

This whole exposition can honestly sound pretty confusing because it is confusing to me too. The intricacies of human emotions never stop to amaze me, and as I tried to connect them to my more dominant rational side, I only learn that they want to be acknowledged and respected instead of rationalized. And that is okay. Truly, there is no one aspect of a human person that is superior to another. And I am so glad to have been humbled to experience a blow that made me realize and believe this fact fully.

I left out a lot of details because I don’t want to bore you with my personal stories yuck and I did not feel like giving a list of advice or what to do when you feel down too. Because I feel like everyone knows to a small extent how to deal with sadness, but what a lot of people don’t know is that time does the trick, at its own time.  (yuck did I just make a pun :>) and you need to trust the process, really. Every recovery is personal and time-consuming, but that’s what it is. So get frustrated with yourself, spiral down, talk to others if you want to, but always be in tune with yourself by the end of everything.

If there is only one thing that I can leave you and myself with, is that patience is so important when you exercise self-care. And this year I have learned to be more patient with myself throughout all that has happened. And I am so so so so blessed to be able to do that. So thank you, time, for waiting for everything to iron out.

2019, you have been a tiring year I guess. I had so many girls’ trips earlier in the year in which I laughed so hard that I almost forgot what it felt like to not grin for a day. I had so many meaningful conversations with people who came and stayed, as well as those who came and would probably not stay. And I appreciate them all. I have experienced the lowest of lows too this year, and I have learned so much from it. I think I have been a little bit braver now. And I hope you are too, you who are reading this. Because you too have pushed through a year of troubles, achievements, disappointments, happy moments. And you should bask yourself in the sunshine of gratefulness for making it this far. Now onwards to a greater year, a year where the same shit may happen again but you are stronger and better in handling it with all the people who matter. Cheers xx

Brutally honest: a peep into the first week of college

Hey peeps!

((Before anything, I'd just want to say happy weekend! Honestly glad it is the weekend already because to say that the past few days were hectic would have been an understatement. I am definitely tired, but happy, though. All's good with me and I hope it's the case with you too :>))

Just saying, I am scraping off the first paragraph written completely because who am I kidding? I wrote those like 2 days after the start of Orientation and felt that it was just as superficial as it sounded to you. The reason as to why I haven't been updating my blog for more than a week now is definitely not because of the late-night talks that my suitemates and I sometimes have, but because I was just in a murkier state of mind regarding this whole getting-to-know people and going through Orientation 'correctly'.

To be brutally honest, my first 2 days were great (if any of my suitemates are reading this, you guys rock!<3) cause we had been having many talks in the room and it was just a really exciting time of bonding again. It is as if I am living in a boarding school all over again, but without curfews. and without any silly drinking rules. AND without any of those really annoying Discipline Masters. Imagine that. How bomb is that? Yeah, I know right.

But as per your cliché story of people feeling socially exhausted when meeting many new people, it inevitably hits me that I may not essentially enjoy this whole new environment as much/as little as I wanted it to be. In its core, it was just the reality that did not match my expectation or the lack thereof. I guess it is human nature to want to be surprised by the new environment I was put in; but it is also human nature to still secretly only wished for the good surprises instead of truly embracing the possibilities of them all. And this was what I was guilty of.

It was not even that I was put in a difficult situation in which my wellbeing was at risk, but still, I felt lonely and emptier than ever during some of the supposed 'vulnerable sharings'. To assess it objectively will be a sin to my sentiments, so let me be biased for a second. Whenever someone uses the word vulnerable, I guess there is always a tug of wariness in people's hearts—we generally like feeling in control, but never excessively—and it is hard to let go of that wariness. Worse still, if put in social situations that promote openness, it is even more mandatory almost to actually put yourself out there and be vulnerable. At least that was what I assessed of the situation and of my unanticipated sadness during some of the activities in the whole duration. 

But then again, who am I to practically rule on others that they are supposed to feel/agree to the same way I am feeling, and thus manifest them in the same way that I was affected by them just so as to relate better with my feelings? This realization upon introspection that truly, in the essence of one's feelings at that fleeting moment of near vulnerability and the judgment to step away from it should be respected is paramount. And that was where I fell short. Always knowing myself as an extrovert, I thought it was just a natural process of discomfort and then relief whenever I put myself in a situation where I expected myself to be vulnerable. But as I grow older, I guess I forgot to check-in with how I am doing/feeling. As obvious as it is, it was more of me neglecting what I should have been doing—taking time to adjust to the 'new' me coming into a 'new' environment, and be okay and get used to it—and trying to put the blame on circumstances that I regretted thinking about. But yeah, this mind runs wild and sometimes a miss in thought is still a miss worthy of acknowledgment. 

So yes, to be brutally honest, I think I overdid what I thought I could emotionally handle during the first week of school. If I take longer to warm up and be open in a way that allows depth of feelings to people, then so be it. I hope everyone is pushing their boundaries in respectable manners as well as constantly checking in with themselves both physically and emotionally. Because that is the best that we can do, and the acknowledgment of that is equally important as taking that 20 minutes off your work/bedtime ritual time off.  I hope things are more challenging than this first week though. I cannot wait to smash some buttons on Felicia (yes I named my mac Felicia cause she is such a Felicia d u h) while rushing some assignments! (and of course, I'm looking forward to meet awesome, new and old friends for coffee in between.) *wink ;;)

Also here are some photos during the First Year Assembly! Big thank you to my friend for helping me photograph those moments in the sweltering heat..... I was truly drenched in sweat xd 

Totally did not expect to go full-on with my reflection on how this week has been, but oh wells not only do I like to talk to others but I also enjoy writing my thoughts down... I hope you find this helpful/empowering/relatable in any way if you are going through the same things! Being a freshman seems pretty cool for now, I guess :> Take care peeps and don't forget to have fun in whatever you are doing x

Virtual hugs, 

(because I prolly can't stand a real one)

Maretta Simon

One Last Summer Escapade—Bintan

Hello Yalls!

I know I probably already said this but, I c a n n o t believe it that this summer is flying by! With college move-ins and new adventures happening in less than a week, I am of course terrified  so excited! In case you didn't know, I graduated from high school (and copped that IB Diploma bread) in January this year. So the feels of a loooooong holiday ending is pretty surreal. 

A few weeks back, my boarding school friends and I went on our one last summer escapade to Bintan! Honestly, we just wanted to chill in each other's company and get that last bit of sunshine together as a group of friends. We did not do much: lazing by the pool, swimming till the sun sets above our heads and our bodies begging us to leave the pool as the water started to go cold. It was a few nights of deep reconnecting, but truly, it was our sensibilities towards each other that craved for more than just a meet-up. We knew it had to be a few nights of talks and movies. And I am so grwteful we had the opportunity to do just that.

To give you some contexts, these few people are those who literally stood (and slept) by me throughout the arduous late-nights we pulled to submit our IAs, the emotional break downs when things were not okay, and of course throughout our illegal cooking/hotpot adventures in our boarding school. So yes, they hold a really special place in my heart. This is especially so as two of them are leaving for the States while the other 2 are going to be in Singapore but going to different colleges. As sappy as it sounds, I will definitely miss our heart-to-heart talks. Oh so much. So if you are also feeling those leaving-for-college blues, hurry and grab your loved ones, hug them tight, and tell them how much you are going to miss them. I know not everyone has the luxury of money and time to go on a getaway with the people they are going to miss, so a simple heartfelt letter will do. Remember peeps, it is the heart that yearns for love and care, so listen to it. 

Enough with all the romantic descriptions of blues and fear, because boi I really need to go and pack my luggage(s). I am about halfway done....o LOL I wish. My room is in an absolute mess but my heart and mind were not ready to pack... at least until now that I have acknowledged my blues and have written it out here. After this I am going to plug in my pods, blast some good ol Vampire Weekend (check them out I am jamming to them so much right now it is an addiction), and start packing. Recently I have also been binging on "How to edit your videos" on youtube so I may put together a vlog style 'what to bring to college' or 'finally packing' or something of that sort if I can produce a good enough video to publish.  

Until then, see you soon folks! Enjoy this beautiful sky in Bintan 

and have a restorative weekend reconnecting with people who are dear to your heart, alrighty! x

Love always,

Maretta Simon

Bali Guling! Part 4

Heyyo peeps!

Sorry for the delayed post this week :> I've just gotten back from another trip to Bintan with my girlfriends as a farewell trip to some of them who are going off for college in the US so I really wanted to be in the moment and detach myself from any distractions. Anyways, I am back and here goes the last part of my Bali travel diary! enjoy x

For the rest of the trip, we were basically cafe-hopping around Seminyak. And holy macaroni, there were so many great ones! We made a long list of places we wanted to visit but we had to narrow down accordingly. (Sorry, scales, you were long forgotten lols) So here goes a cafe-goer's honest review of the food/ambiance of the places I feel are worth your visit!

• Motel Mexicola (8.5/10)

We had their churros, nachos and a beef taco with cocktails during afternoon tea. Nachos and tacos were definitely on the 'okay' side but their cocktails were really value-for-money. For ~S$13, you get a delicious blend of piña colada with local twists as well as grammable little decorations on your glass. I could not remember the food prices, but they all cost pretty on par with other cafes' menus. However, despite the food's mediocrity, the drinks made it up for us, and the v i e w s and decors of the place were mind-blowingly beautiful. It was like we have transported to a 90s Mexican diner with such a lively vibe. A must-go for first-timers, I'd say. So take pictures and order away, chicas!

ps go at night for better views and vibes <3

• Nalu Bowls (6.5/10)

Honestly, this was a miss despite the hype. We went there with big hopes and we expected the acai bowls to be much nicer but,,, they were pretty bland truthfully. (to the point where we did not take pics... because we were giggling in front of the people who made it at the acai bar counter and my friend could not finish hers lmao) Also, almost all of the bowls had bananas blended in it so for a non-banana eater like me, it was a mini nightmare so take notes peeps!

• Kynd Community (9.0/10)

I will definitely come back here for the foods and vibes!! Kynd Community is truly soooooo goood! Their bircher was incredibly fresh with a good amount of acidity from the citruses and their dragon fruit blend gave much more than just textural aesthetic to the acai blend.  Avocadoes were rich and had a nice bite to it. They also served coconut milk on top of soy/almond milk as your dairy substitutes so they have gotten your bases covered! Coffee was really not bad and their portion size was tummy-filling. Ah I really loved the food and the vibes and I hope you can try it for yourself! 

the hot chocolate had a pretty artificial taste to it though :(

• Milk and Madu (8.3/10)

This one's in Canggu and again I did not take a picture because we had such a good convo with our old teacher from high school, but still a recommended food joint in Canggu. Try their chicken salad and poké bowl for your protein fix of the day! Pretty basic, but when basics is done right it is still something worth mentioning. 

• Pork Star (8.0/10)

I had no picture of the place here but the nasi campur was really good! And it was only ~$5/6 with heaps of pork cuts! Very generous portion and this was more of a local favorite so do check it out if you are getting sick of (very good) Western food :)

• Ayam Goreng Tulang Lunak (7.5/10)

This was a local food joint that Putu recommended us when we were staaaaarving after surfing. Ayam Goreng Tulang Lunak is basically fried chicken with tender bones that you can eat without having to separate the meats from the bones. Again, we did not manage to get any pictures because we were just too hungry to function hehehehe. But now thinking again, for about ~$55 in total for an okay amount of food, it was not really great. Your basic stir-fried veggies with decently-seasoned fried chicken and steamed rice. May not be everyone's cup of tea, but decent enough for a filling meal. 

Annnnnnd, that's it! My not-so-comprehensive but honest list of food items we had in Bali besides the ones we had in beach clubs (which was still pretty good I must say). And I genuinely hope that you can use this travel diary to your advantage :) I remembered searching frantically for food reviews and I definitely appreciated any kind of inputs I could have, so I hope the same goes to you. 

In conclusion, Bali's cafe food was more robust than what Singapore had to offer; with more varieties than just your perfectly poached eggs on top of smoked salmon drizzled with Hollandaise sauce, we needed more money and more tummy space to review them all. I hope you enjoy this whole travel diary and most importantly, have fun and connect with your friends whenever you are on trips! x

Love always,

Maretta Simon

Bali Guling! Part 3

Hello again!

I know I haven't been consistent in uploading these travel diaries but hey, one post per week at least, am I right? ;) So let's jump in with the next itineraries, shall we!

On the third dawn, we decided we wanted to go for a sunrise trek at Mount Batur before leaving Ubud for Seminyak as Ubud is higher up in latitude and therefore closer to Mt. Batur comparably. So we (again) asked Putu to link us up with a guide who would trek together with us to the summit. (price was $50/person) Mt. Batur is only about 1717m above sea level, so it wasn't a tough hike as per say, but with all the darkness and the c r o w d s it took us longer than expected. Before anything, here's our trekking itinerary:

02.30 AM: Pick up time from our hotel in Ubud

03.45 AM: Arrival at the starting point of the hike at Toyabungkah village.

06.15 AM: Arrival at the summit of Mount Batur (sunrise point).

07.00 AM: Continue our trek around the entire crater.

08.00 AM: Begin our descent to the finishing point of our trek (Toyabungkah village).

09.00 AM: Arrival at Toyabungkah village and board car to go back to our hotel.

11.00 AM: Arrival at our hotel

And yes, sunrise in Bali happened at about 6.30+am, so we had to leave our hotel at 230am. Just saying, my 2 lovely friends still had time to put on some foundation and prep themselves up, so do not fret my friends, this trekking itinerary is completely doable and totally worth it! (believe me, we are major sleepers) 

We trekked up in our yoga pants, good pairs of sneakers we didn't mind getting dirty of, crop tops/usual T-shirts, and sweaters/windbreakers. To be honest, the coldest part of the trek was when you were just starting out because the wind there was CRAY! like actually crazy. But the best thing was that if you forget to bring a thick enough jacket for this hike, you could find so many local sellers offering up jackets for rents. 1 jacket for the entire hike cost ~$5, and honestly, they were all of great condition and best of all, not stinky. 10/10 for convenience. 

The first part of the trek was on winding asphalt road and it was not that tiring, actually. We trekked for a good 45 minutes before stopping at a rest stop that let us overlook the nearby lights from sleepy Toyabungkah Village. By then, we were sweating enough to take off our jacket and trek with just our tops and yoga pants. The wind was chilly, but it was comfortable and refreshing. Following this, you will see more people streaming into the trek roads as this stop is also the highest part where cars and motorbikes could park at. 

Following this, the trek got harder—the roads were no longer asphalt, but they were filled with loose gravels that were slippery, to say the least. Along the way, you would hear people blasting Old Town Road off their speakers (aka us) while concentrating really hard to not fall down lol. Honestly, this part of the trek was not that fun and mesmerising as we were all concentrating on the ground instead of the views we're surrounded by as the traffic of people was really high, and that meant that more loose gravels and thuds of people's butts on the floor were heard more frequently than ever. We took another 30 minutes+ hike to reach the semi summit and rested for a bit. There were also people with torchlight selling crazily inflated beverages at this semi summit. After a while, we wanted to continue trekking to the summit for the sunrise.

After another 45 minutes and more slips here and there, we finally made it to the summit!! Our guide prepared breakfast for us in a small hut nearby and we sat at the edge of the road(?) to warm up. It was sooooo surreal watching the dark blue skies gradually brighten. It was like this vast dark blue blanket surrounding you slowly break to reveal a concoction of the richest red and yellow hues at its seams, and the flickering of sun rays slowly warming your soul with a cup of hot coffee/tea as you gasped on. It was honestly so beautiful. And we were so lucky that the weather was so clear that we could spot Mt. Agung (an active volcano nearby) from the top. We just took pictures and chatted for a long while after our hike. Oh, even talking about it now makes me want to trek again! Super recommended peeps. Please slot this in your Bali itinerary if you can! :) <3

Here are the pictures that I believe did not do the whole experience justice but still are a feast to the eyes: 

view upon reaching the summit at 5.45+am

the neighboring mountain and a crater lake starting to show up... 

right at sunrise <3 x

A couple caught in action teehee

sun was completely up by then

  THE ultimate golden/rosy hour you can get...😍

 

 beware of cheeky monkey(s) that are lurking for your breakfast(!)

 or attract them intentionally to get cute pictures like this i guess o_o

After the hike, we were completely gone. Like dead-in-the-car-i-don't-care-anymore type of gone. So we just deadass slept like babies once we sat on Putu's comfortable car seats. Oh, and also, another important thing is to remember to tip your trekking guide! They earn minimal amounts from a regulated local tour company in order to become a licensed Mt. Batur guide, so your tips go a long way. Our guide was so nice that he held my friend's hand most of the way because damn girl, I got massive anxiety from her mini screams whenever her feet lost their grip on the sandy grounds. We gave him ~$30 and we thought it was a decent amount to tip your guide with so, be generous and 

Initially, we planned to check the Uluwatu temple I believe, but on the way back we were too tired to bother getting outta the car, so we decided to skip it and just go back to the hotel to check out immediately and head to Seminyak! 

1230—we arrived in Seminyak and we went for lunch at Revolver. It was pretty decent, like a 7.5/10 cafe food rating I'd say. !0/10 for varieties, though. Singapore gotta catch up with their cafe food options, mate :/ Since were famished, we over-ordered (again) and it cost us ~$70. Not the cheapest, but again, decent! We basically just chilled a little bit in the hotel and then scoooted out for our Yoga class at Yoga Shala :} Oh and we stay right smack in the middle of Seminyak at Amadea Resorts and Villas which I would say was pretty basic with okay amenities and facilities but hey the location was 10/10 so nothing to complain about, really. And yes, we managed to sneak in a third person without them knowing again. I feel like as long as only 2 people are there during check-ins, you should be fine.

fish taco was really not good... we didn't finish it lol others were decent!

1600—yoga time! As a first-timer, the instructor, Ms. Delia, was super understanding and nice. What's best was that the class consisted only of the 3 of us, so we literally giggled our way through the class without judgement. 10/10 would recommend if you want to just stretch out your tired body from the hike and chill out for a little bit with your friends. Yoga lasted for an hour and we paid ~$7 for Indonesian citizen aka me and ~$14 for foreigners. This was a little bit on the expensive side for Bali, but since the class consisted of just the 3 of us, it was worth the money, I'd say!

1930—Potato Head Beach Club. Honestly, we were lowkey tired af on that day, but we decided to go anyways. Potato Head was just as you'd imagine it to be, and I'd recommend going for a dip there in the afternoon because the sea was just right outside it so it must have been beautiful during sunset and really snazzy for tanning. But still, the vibe was great, food was a solid 8/10 and they had a lot of cocktail selection. Potato Head truly lives up to its reputation, I'd say. Perfect place for a cozy night out. 

Pictures below!

Annnnd that concludes our Day 3! It was eventful as always, and I cannot wait to share my cafe recommendations to you! The rest of the days in Seminyak are pretty chill honestly, so I won't bore you with our meager itineraries and I'll get straight to what I feel is a must-go and what you can skip! See yalls in part 4 xo

Loads of love,

Maretta Simon