from now onwards

                                                 

(ps excuse my tired look my sleep cycle is completely trashed this year)

Hello, peeps!

3 words to sum up last week will be balloons, level assemblies, and new faces. As you know that my cohort is the most senior students in school, it was compulsory for everyone to help out during our school's Open House last Monday. It was rather eventful with many nice and nasty potential newcomers coming in asking about what IB is, how school works here and a bunch of those standard school tours questions. It was quite mundane at first (besides psycho-analyzing each individual's choice of outfit and weird stares they think I did not notice) but the preparation time for the open house was particularly evocative for me. I never thought that I will be so immersed in a journey to the point where the thought of it ending so early caught me by surprise although I know how long it is going to last for when I signed up for it.

Looking at those new faces sparked a weird balance of sadness and a sense of fulfillment in me, just like that cozy feeling of burrito-balling during a heavy thunderstorm doing one of the many math revision notes. I can say this now because it truly is shocking how exactly a year ago, I was just like them: excited to see where I will go, ready to embark on a journey to adulthood thinking it will all be alright if I follow my plans. To give you a little context, I think long and hard about my future aspirations and was very set on them to the point where I am literally excited for the future when I wake up for school every day. Although so, this year when I am actually going to be on my own making decisions on what I want to do and where I want to go after the structured 12 years of fundamental education really scares me, in a way I definitely have never felt before.

That is also why I chose school assemblies as one of the words that summed up my week. In my school, we have level assemblies where one of those sessions will be about university guidance' aka 'pressure to know and aim where to go next' and honestly, it used to be my nap sessions but now it gives me unnecessary anxiety. (okay this is a lil bit of an exaggeration but just take it as it is ok peeps) The idea of venturing on my own is totally liberating, yet the lack of control creates an invisible apprehension which I am not sure I will be able to combat when the time for it to hit me come. Due to this, my inner lil annoying voice constantly asks my other lil annoying voices in my head: "from now onwards, what are are your plans, bud?" I guess the answer is I do have some ideas of what I want to do, but they are mere abstracts I am unsure how to tie back to the realms of my existential life as a student and an apparent young adult. So for all you souls who are just as bothered by the prospects of doing well in the future as I am, please tell yourself to always take things a step at a time, okay?

Things have been a little out of control lately, but I know one thing for sure: bravery in traveling those roads less walked always has its own edge, so be you in all things you do. Be your true self for honesty, truth and individuality are what I feel make you more human and most importantly, more alive. I hope this reflection on my week has allowed you to take a step back on your week and reflect on the challenges you faced too. From now onwards, it is always your truth that speaks the loudest to your heart and mind, so be still and listen to that voice. :)

ps: I finally formulated my thoughts on generation gap to a few questions in this form!! Please take some time and answer it here (click click)! don't worry, responses are 100% anonymous unless you are willing to spend extra time to be interviewed by me. Thanks a bunch, peeps!

love and hugs always,
Maretta Simon

New Year's Resolutions to (the hypocrite in) me

Hello peeps!!

wow time check: it's 2018!! aka the year I turn legal for all them alcohols *wink (HAHAHAH nah man I still prefer youtube marathons and slow, long meals with people)

I know this is a little bit late, but I have not had a good wrap to my 2017, so I'd like to think aloud and reflect for what I see myself doing this year with you guys. Just saying that I am totally aware of my promised 'project' on generational gap between parents and children, and once I have made up mind on the questions and collection of data and interviews, I will surely share my take on that. :) So let's start these resolutions by firstly, and most importantly, counting my blessings that had done me well last year.

I started my first year of IB (grade 11 equivalent) last year, and man it was a hell of a ride: I had super stressful times dealing with CAS and IA proposals, great waves of laughter from TOK classes, amazing friends I share my burdens with, and plenty of realisations in terms of my academic intelligence which may not be the best. It was indeed a fruitful year, one where I truly see myself grow deep within, and probably those moments will kickstart a steeper exponential growth in character for me this year. If I were to choose one word to help me count my blessings and describe the growth in me, my pick will be "humility". This year I hope to be humbler because 2017 was all about realizing the importance of being humble. I am saying this because there were some major uphills last year, and I failed to see them as positive challenges due to my oblivion to my own limits in solving problems. I thought I was good enough, I thought I was strong enough. All those "I thought" had actually stopped me from truly seeing the importance of a bigger community besides myself who may have a better answer than this mass of nerves in my own nebula. So this year, I hope to see myself let go a little bit more of my ego in order to see things from a humbler perspective so that I too, can help others who have been too comfortable in their solitude for they think that they can handle everything if they are strong enough all this while. So peeps, yes you are strong, but that strength should never be so blinding that you fail to recognize the need to be humble and reach out for help from others.


The other major resolution this year will be to summon the hypocrite in me. Okay, I technically do not need to 'summon' that side of me but rather, keep it in front of my mind instead of having it hovering at the back of my mind. The reason why I said so is that I have been telling myself to do things I know I should such as to be kinder to people, to be more patient, and all those sorts since yeaaaarsss ago but it just seems so hard to actively be conscious and engage in achieving those goals. But hopefully, through bringing the hypocrite in me upfront, I can magnify my awareness on these "small, hidden, but obvious" improvements I need to ignite in myself so that I can truly move forward. It is more of a passive-aggressive approach probably? well, whatever it is, I hope it catalyzes my journey of self-improvement this year. May the hypocrite in me serve me well so that I can constantly challenge myself to recognize, realize, and reflect more actively. 2018 is going to be a tough year, so I need to up my self-awareness game before I drown in seas of excuses from my academic workload that may hinder growth in any way possible.

I guess as of now those 2 are the most important resolutions I'd like to see happening this year :) 2018 is a year where I literally have to embrace early adulthood, finish my basic 12 years of education, and confront myself with seemingly endless decisions regarding where I want to go next in life. What a busy yet exciting one, so I hope I will write a good journal on that and share it with you too!

If you have not made up your mind on resolutions, I hope what I am doing may be relatable and applicable to you. As long as we keep on growing in any way suitable to us, that's a thumbs up!!


Spread the love always,

xx Maretta Simon xx