I am back with monthly updates teeheeee :))
To be honest, I was not intending to write anything today, I was simply so done with my laptop because I have spent my entire morning and afternoon browsing the net for enlightenment for my EE yet I did not seem to get anything in return (sad, I know) but yeah I guess it's all fine now because something occurred and I believe that this message needs to be shared eheheh.
After my bloody war with EE, I actually went downtown to refresh my dead brain cells and I decided to do some window shopping then. It was a unexpectedly reflective experience; I normally window-shop for its therapeutic benefits, but this time, I felt way worse instead. it might actually be affected by my exhaustion, but after thinking about it for a while, I guess it brought me to a bigger realisation which hurts to think about. i realized that my unhappiness was actually because of my own body image that I was unsatisfied with, and this may come out as annoying to some of my friends irl because probably for them my body is "skinny" or "fit" or "is very proportional to my height", but I did not think so. at least at that point of time. upon looking at the huge mirror in the fitting room, my heart felt troubled, troubled by the look of my arms, the size of my thighs, my not-100%-flat-torso, almost everything probably.
I did not break down--I realized seconds after that I should have been at peace instead of feeling ashamed by how I look like because I actually looked like a normal teenager, with perfectly functional body parts, but it posed a bigger question in my head: does every girl out there feel so too?
And I guess the answer is that most girls do, especially the teenagers of my age. I agree that coming to terms with yourself is a step by step process, it does not click instantly for most people, but I guess some take a way longer time to do this because they do not see the importance of self-acceptance. and that is destructive to the soul. lethal even. Continuing on, I went back home and the fact that I needed some time to console myself in order to accept my won body haunted me; it plagued me in a way I have never experienced before, probably it's because I was never really bothered by it. this is especially true because I was in a girls' school back then and I felt comfortable with my peers, but now it's different. the environment and the roller coaster rides of hormones in my body have forced me to look at different body images more consciously, and more meticulously. It was as if my subconscious is consumed by this monster that flashes the "ideal" body image of girls and women on magazine covers as well as those girls who are deemed to be the one with "the perfect body" in my social circle repeatedly. this time, the monster hits hard and it jabs at my heartstrings because I literally felt sad upon looking at myself in the mirror. i was not cherishing my good health, i looked at all my flaws instead of what I should be thankful for.
I thought long and hard about this, and thankfully I have come into the conclusion that environment, which in my case is a new school and home environent that are so different from my previous ones, really have taken its toll on my wisdom of how I should appreciate my body. the body is the temple of the mind, and there stays the soul too. My understanding of this was blurred by that fleeting moments of body-shaming because it caught me unprepared, for I have never spared a thought about this due to my ever-comfortable environment back then. Therefore I feel that it is of paramount importance to keep on reminding yourself that you have to always accept youself, be it your physical or emotional self because the moment you take them for granted, it may be snatched away from you before you realize it. however, remember, it is enough for you to accept yourself and not to love yourself, because as long as we are living in this world, there are too many things to improve on, so loving yourself should only be done periodically, but not on a daily basis for finding areas for improvement and growth in your appreciation of yourself is as important as coming to terms with yourself.
I don't want to sound ever-wise and knowing, but this is an important lesson I learnt today, so i hope that to many of those around who are struggling to find your place in society due to the immense pressure of having to conform to certain body images labelled "the ideals", take a step back to appreicate what you have and work slowly towards self-acceptance for no one can see the shine and beauty ingrained in you if you do not dig it up and open it for everyone else to admire. Remember, people will like you for your personality, your kindness, your real self, for everything that is loved superficially is that of physical form. and we know full well that physical things rot over time, but inner beauty never cease to mesmerize;). I personally believe that confidence and a broad, genuine smile are the keys to look beautiful everyday, no matter where you go in the world. so look up, and start accepting yourself! :)
p.s i really like that quote plus its emma stone so yeah eheh
I hope this is useful for you, peeps! <3 div="">
